You do know that I'm CrAzY, right?

Ok America, I just told y'all I ain't been saved but for a minute, right? So why is it that folks are dead set on testing me? I am crazy! Not straight jacket, padded cell, popping pills crazy; more like sitting in a completely dark room sipping on a deuce deuce of malt liquor, puffing on a Newport while listening to gangster rap crazy. And I'm sure given the right circumstances I may fall off the edge, snap and catch a charge.

I grew up in a time where children were actually scared of adults for that very exact reason. In fact I recall using this very statement, "I'm not going to do that, don't you know that my grandparents are crazy!" And just so we are I clear, I expect Jax to grow up telling his friends the same thing.

Ok, here's the truth: My bark is often worse than my bite. However my tolerance for bullshit is negligible, if any at all. I've often been told that I don't have a filter, and at 32 I don't plan on getting one either. Becoming a mom has lowered your odds of sympathy from me. Don't get me wrong, I am a very compassionate, loyal person. If you were down and out and I could help I would but people often view my kindness as a weakness. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not liked by all. At this point in my life I'm not concerned with others or their opinion of me. They haven't provided me with any of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. They don't have a heaven (or a hell for that matter) to put me in. I stopped viewing life as a popularity contest a long time ago. I've been sent by the Kingdom for an important assignment. I have dreams to live out and a purpose to walk in.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (Nefertari's Introspective Version)

Nefertari, I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Nefertari, you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I'm prayed up and I'm focused man! No weapon....

We Can't Be Friends!

I came across the following quote on twitter today:

"If a relationship ends because the *person* wasn't treating you as you deserve then HELL NO you can't 'be friends! Friends don't mistreat friends." *This quote was edited because I feel that it fits both males and females*


Simple and to the point right? Well then why in the world do we keep allowing people to mistreat us? Why are we glutton for punishment? Let's be real, yes it is wrong for someone to take advantage of our feelings, kindness, love, etc... but aren't we to blame for allowing such things to occur when we attempt to leave friendship on the table? Some of us guard our possessions with more security than we do our hearts. And so there it lays, on the road for someone to run over repeatedly. Then when we finally run up on something or someone good we don't know how to treat it because we are holding on to some past hurts. CrAzY!!!!

Look people these are relationship fundamentals. And yes, I am ministering to myself on this one for sure! So how does the healing begin? Stop being naive. Don't expect an apology. Stop looking for closure. Don't be bitter. Let it go. Not all things require answers. While you are waiting in expectation for those things, life is surely passing you by.

Yes, it is and will be hard to let go. No one desires to be alone. God did not design us that way. He made Adam and then Eve in his likeness because he felt that Adam needed companionship. But I would rather be alone than continue to be in a toxic relationship.

Casting Call....

Wouldn't it be great if we could just post an ad for the ideal person we are looking to share our lives with and hold auditions until we found exactly what we were looking for? If so my ad would read as follows:

Now auditioning for the role of lead man in Nefertari's life.

Interested candidates need to meet the following prerequisites in order to be considered:

• Single, heterosexual male between the ages of 25 - 35
• He must be a GOD fearing man, that has a personal relationship with Christ and is active in his home church.
• Must have a stable career. No more than 2 jobs in the last 3 years.
• Can not have been charged or convicted for a crime against a person (i.e. rape, assault, attempted murder).
• If he has children he MUST be up to date on child support payments and must have an active relationship with the children. Gentlemen with more than 2 children will not be considered.
• Must exhibit sound financial practices.
• Must have a desire to marry, and spend the rest of his life in a monogamous relationship.

Please, no drama, no baggage, no representatives and no sponsors. Serious candidates only. The director reserves the right to change the script as needed.

And then I pinch myself and drift back to reality. I can always keep hope alive. Maybe he's reading this right now?