The Ready-Made Family Syndrome

I recently discovered that I suffer from the ready-made family syndrome. What is that, you may ask. Well, it applies to independent singles mom's who are quite capable of holding things down but are in search of that significant other to make things whole. Or as my friend so insensitively mentioned to me, "You have the house, you have the child and now you're looking to add a man and stir...." Mind you this came from a person that was well aware of the fact that I had accomplished all of these things prior to us embarking on our courtship. It was in that moment that it hit me.... I could be perfect in all areas that he may have on his "list" but because I have a child I'm not the one for him. Just made me want to say C'mon Son, get the fuck outta here with that bullshit! But I digress.


So I ask, single mom's, is this the reason why we aren't being snatched off the market as the HOT commodities we are? Not only are my chances of getting married sharply declining because I'm over 30 and I'm black but now you can add the fact that I'm a mom to that and take me out of the equation. Here is what really pisses me off, I take care of myself because I have to. I have ambition, drive.... yeah you can call me "Miss Independent;" and that is being held against me. I wasn't about to change my standard of living because I had a child. Not all single mom's are living in the PJ's, waiting on their welfare check. Although I wasn't married when I had my child, it wasn't my intent to remain single but things are what they are. Or how about those women that are single mom's because of divorce? I know a number of good women (self included) that are being overlooked just because. Yes, I can do it for myself, buy it for myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't want a man to do it.


If he would have asked for my thoughts on the situation he would have found that I am looking for the missing ingredient in my recipe. Webster's defines the term blend as follows: to mix smoothly and inseparably together. Sure things work ok now as they are, but why settle for ok when you can have SPECTACULAR?? Adding a strong stable man to the equation can only be seen as nothing less than good for our children; even with their biological father is doing his part. I am not interested in adding mediocracy to my recipe.


Now don't get me wrong, dude was totally entitled to have his preference. However, had he been upfront about his uneasiness about entering a relationship with me I wouldn't have wasted my time or his, nor would I be writing this blog. So it appears that a number of lessons have been learned from this situation. Perhaps the most disappointing is the fact that I'm thought of as a packet of kool-aid...