My head hurts...

Ok, 1st let me say coming up with topics for this blog is exhausting. I'm sorry for neglecting her so much. But why did it just hit me that it doesn't matter what the title is, this blog is about me... I'm alive everyday, so how could I not have ample material for it? LOL


Anywho, I recently had a revelation. After 2.5 years of pursuit and $40k in student loans I've decided that I DO NOT want to be a Project Manager. Yup folks, you heard it here first. I've changed my mind, yet again. In fact my inability to remain committed to something that no longer holds my attention is one of the most consistent things of my personality. In other words I get bored easily. My friends and family saw this coming tho. They refer to me as the professional student. Always learning something new.


So why the change? Well I 've been tired of corporate for quite some time. The culture is so not me. I'm not a liar. I keep it real. I'm not a robot. I'm family oriented. And most importantly, I'm loyal to myself and my son. Those qualities have made my path difficult at best in my current and previous jobs. I'm not going to brown nose. I don't want to be in management and I'm not cut out to throw folks in front the bus as a means of self preservation.

All this talk about careers and change makes my head hurt! I mean was growing up optional? Cause this adult stuff hurts, sucks and is messing with my pursuit of happyness. Where is Dr. Conrad Murray when you need him? I sure could use 2 of something right now.

25 Random Things About Me....

1. I AM from Brooklyn, NY! I know you can't tell from my Southern accent.
2. I am not a complicated person.
3. My favorite Seaseme Street character is Grover. It ain't easy being blue!
4. My favorite singer is Mariah Carey. I've seen her in concert and have had the opportunity to meet her.
5. My favorite color is Pink.
6. I write daily in a gratitude journal. I have so much to be thankful for.
7. At night I watch my son sleep. I still can't believe that he is REAL.
8. I miss my grandmother. She raised me and there hasn't been a day since her passing that she hasn't crossed my mind.
9. I voted for George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004. Sad but true.
10. I'm not scared to speak my mind. We are entitled to our opinions so why be scared to express them?
11. I was married for less than a 1 year (not counting the 1 year separation).
12. I have 4 tattoos and have already designed number 5.
13. I miss selling Real Estate full time.
14. I've never been offered or done an illegal drug. And I'd like to keep it that way!
15. This is the 4th Honda Accord that I have owned.
16. I can't stand the following phrases: Baby Momma, Baby Daddy.
17. In elementary school I used to suck my thumb.
18. I love to laugh.
19. Hair is an accessory. I'm not scared to change it up.
20. My favorite meal is spaghetti, meatballs, garlic bread and salad.
21. I can cook! My grandma taught me.
22. I can bake from scratch! Another thing my grandma taught me.
23. I like controlled chaos but can't stand a mess.
24. I used to run 5k's.
25. Yes, I'm tall (5'10") but I don't know how to play basketball.

The Ready-Made Family Syndrome

I recently discovered that I suffer from the ready-made family syndrome. What is that, you may ask. Well, it applies to independent singles mom's who are quite capable of holding things down but are in search of that significant other to make things whole. Or as my friend so insensitively mentioned to me, "You have the house, you have the child and now you're looking to add a man and stir...." Mind you this came from a person that was well aware of the fact that I had accomplished all of these things prior to us embarking on our courtship. It was in that moment that it hit me.... I could be perfect in all areas that he may have on his "list" but because I have a child I'm not the one for him. Just made me want to say C'mon Son, get the fuck outta here with that bullshit! But I digress.


So I ask, single mom's, is this the reason why we aren't being snatched off the market as the HOT commodities we are? Not only are my chances of getting married sharply declining because I'm over 30 and I'm black but now you can add the fact that I'm a mom to that and take me out of the equation. Here is what really pisses me off, I take care of myself because I have to. I have ambition, drive.... yeah you can call me "Miss Independent;" and that is being held against me. I wasn't about to change my standard of living because I had a child. Not all single mom's are living in the PJ's, waiting on their welfare check. Although I wasn't married when I had my child, it wasn't my intent to remain single but things are what they are. Or how about those women that are single mom's because of divorce? I know a number of good women (self included) that are being overlooked just because. Yes, I can do it for myself, buy it for myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't want a man to do it.


If he would have asked for my thoughts on the situation he would have found that I am looking for the missing ingredient in my recipe. Webster's defines the term blend as follows: to mix smoothly and inseparably together. Sure things work ok now as they are, but why settle for ok when you can have SPECTACULAR?? Adding a strong stable man to the equation can only be seen as nothing less than good for our children; even with their biological father is doing his part. I am not interested in adding mediocracy to my recipe.


Now don't get me wrong, dude was totally entitled to have his preference. However, had he been upfront about his uneasiness about entering a relationship with me I wouldn't have wasted my time or his, nor would I be writing this blog. So it appears that a number of lessons have been learned from this situation. Perhaps the most disappointing is the fact that I'm thought of as a packet of kool-aid...