An Open Letter...

I forgive you!

Next to I love you, those 3 words have got to be the hardest words in the English language to say and mean.  Maybe it's because forgiving someone isn't so much about that person as much as it is about you and your sanity.  And yet here we live in a society of hurt people who are going around hurting other people because they "forgave" someone for an action but never found a way to accept the pain it caused.  

Here are the facts:  Me forgiving you isn't for you, it's for me!  I need to forgive myself for the extreme guilt that I harbored deep inside while you slept good at night and went on with your life.  I need to forgive myself for projecting your mistreatment of me on to others.  I need to forgive myself for using the pain you caused me as an excuse to hurt others.  I need to forgive myself for holding on to the pain.  And most importantly I need to forgive myself for giving you that much power.  My grandmother used to say, "Had you known how much that was going to hurt me, you wouldn't have done it."  People need to know that they have hurt you but if they are unwilling to listen you need to let it go and forgive them anyway.  

Pain is a game changer.  It cause us not to trust or be ourselves, makes us lose hope in humanity, and drives us to isolation.  However pain is a necessity because it gives us strength to forgive and replace pain with love, just as the Heavenly Father does for us.  

So Nefertari, I forgive you!  To anyone that I have ever hurt, I'm sorry! And to anyone who has ever caused me pain, Thank You! 

The Samantha Jones Experience....

America, the birthday is officially 44 days away!!!!! I haven't been this excited about a birthday since I turned 16. I got my driver's license on that day. Got a lot of changes going on both personally and professionally. Perhaps the most important change that I am welcoming is the decision to apologetically live my life the way I want to! I'm coining it, the Samantha Jones Experience.


I know what the Sex and The City fans of America are thinking, "But wait a minute Nef, wasn't Samantha the hoe of the group?" I prefer to think of her as being confident in not only her sexuality but most importantly herself. In my opinion, Samanatha was the most put together woman of the group. She was BOLD! Owned any room she walked in, wasn't afraid to say what was on her mind, lived her life without regard to the feelings of others, and even when she learned of her breast cancer diagnosis she lived without fear. She wasn't in search of a happily ever after because she was too busy living in the now and here, not afraid to try new things, places and yes even people...lol.

No label of hoe was gonna stop her from enjoying sex. No diagnosis of cancer was gonna stop her from living. And no man was gonna fool her into believing that she couldn't be happy forever after without him. Samantha is my hero!

Yes, America I am now in the realm of the Samantha Jones Experience. Judge all you want. I don't answer to you!

I'm a superstarrah!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was feeling myself recently and decided to have a good friend of mine, who so happens to be a photog, come over and take some candid shots of me in my boyshorts and red pumps. America, these were some damn good shots, if I must say so myself. They were tastefully done. No money shots and most importantly I'm not naked. Just enough skin to stimulate the male mind. So naturally, I had to share!

Well imagine my shock when some of my followers decided to take to twitter and subtweet their negative opinion. Don't get me wrong America, everyone is entitled to their opinion; and since the 1st amendment of our constitution guarantees a right to free speech I'm not even mad at them for expressing their opinion. However if anything that I post/share in any social media arena is offensive to someone why do they continue to follow me? That is baffling to me. And since we are talking about things that baffle me.... we are grown people, most over the age of 25; why in the hell is anybody subtweeting??? Something about not being big enough to express your opinion directly to me exudes a level of immaturity consistent with someone in the 6th grade. It's your opinion.... Stand by it! Hell, I stand by my scantily clothed pics. Not gonna take them down because they offend anybody because I'm comfortable in my own skin.

I keep telling yall America, everything ain't for everybody. I could never be a stripper or a lawyer but those who are do a good job at it. I'm great at being Nefertari and I promise to stay in my lane and be me. Pure, unadulterated, uncut and unfilterd!

That awkward moment when....

America, can I share a recent text convo with you?

Him: Morning.
Me: Good Morning, how r u?
Him: Im good. Hadnt talk 2 u in a while... u been busy?
Me: Yeah. School, work, you know the drill.
Him: Well Im sure ur not that busy that u cant call or text every now and again.
Me: This is true, but u havent reached out to me either.... u know the saying, out of sight out of mind
Him: So r u telling me that i dont cross ur mind...
Me: Well if i didnt reach out to you then that is a reasonable conclusion to draw :)

Ok, you're right America, I should've left the smiley off the end of my comment but he took it there when he made the comment about me being too busy to contact him. Like really dude? Your vagina is showing. I don't owe any man an explanation as to why I didn't call or text, but when asked I may be obliged to respond in my unmistakably blunt honest fashion.

Look America, I'm a girl that likes the chase.... or at least the illusion of one. If you are not showing me that you are interested, then why should I be the only one making contact? I reciprocate what I'm getting and in this case dude wasn't putting forth any effort. And just like men like to remind us there are PLENTY of women who will give them what I won't; allow me to let you in on a little secret, this works in the reverse. I've said it before, and I will say it again because I believe it, I'm an attractive female so getting a date ain't a problem.

Just like unemployment, thirst levels out here are at an all time high. In other words, it's a singles market. So let's review the rules of engagment:

1. Taking me out and paying for a date doesn't make US anything. If I don't say thank you feel free to talk mad shit about me.


2. If I don't respond to your text immediately, it could be because I'm not sitting with the phone in my hand looking at the clock wondering why you haven't contacted me today.


3. If I haven't responded to a text, call or email from you in days.... it's a wrap. Move on, it's a singles market outchea!


4. Having sex with you doesn't make US anything. We not in a relationship, and I am not your personal ho. Feel free to talk mad shit about me if you weren't impressed but don't contact me to do it again! If I don't contact you to do it again move on, it's a singles market outchea!


5. Ain't nothing wrong with making your intentions clear but don't start trying to occupy ALL of my free time and get all clingy. Ewwwwww.......


6. Don't send me no doggone facebook request. We ain't anything.


7. And the most import rule of them all: I am single, therefore I will see other people. You should try it too because it's a singles market outchea!

Following these simple rules in the world according to Nef will help one to avoid that awkward moment when....

Why are you still single?

So America, I'm back in this dating game... kinda sorta. I've decided to try something entirely new for me, online dating. So far, not so great. I'm already on my second site and can I say I don't want to go on anymore 1st dates!

What's the problem Nef? Well firstly America, I'm sad to report that some of you are dumb as a doorknob. You can't spell, you don't know the difference between their, there and they're, and when you open your (not you're) mouth to speak you further reinforce my belief that many of y'all (i.e. you all) barely graduated from High School.

Secondly, not only do yall not know how to write but you apparently can't read either. I spend time creating a profile that gives you insight on who I am and what do you end up saying in your initial message to me: "Tell me about yourself." Then we go on the infamous first date only for you to ask me again to tell you about myself.... I mean I know I can be a little self absorbed but how enthusiatic do you expect me to be when answering this question for a third time???

Which brings me to my last thought, why do men generally say the following: "You're beautiful, seem to have it together and are on the up and up, so why are you still single?" Is that a compliment or an insult. Does being single mean that I'm damaged goods? Are beautiful people not allowed to be single? I tell you that damned Halle Berry with her 2 divorces is to blame for this!

*Sigh*

Fightin' Words....

Welp America, I'm back in the single column. I know, a shocking surprise right? Don't answer that...

Mr. Carpricorn and I were hanging in there until the smoke cleared and the representative stop showing up. America you know what I'm talking about. When you first start dating someone they are always on time, say ALL the right things, and make ALL the right moves. They basically sell you a bill of goods and suck you in. Then one day the real person behind the representative shows up. Sometimes this person is just as good as the representative, but most of the time when you open the box you find a brick instead of the tv you thought you purchased on the low low from Hustle Man. And the moment you realize that you've been got, hoodwinked, bamboozled, etc.... the first thing you ask yourself is, "How in tha hell did I not see this coming?" The writing was always on the wall but hindsight is as clear as a mutha....

Ok, so what happened Nef? Dude broke the cardinal rule, he tried to offer some "constructive criticism" on how I communicate with the Boy. And you know I got all sista girl like, rolling my neck, hands on my hips "Oh no he didn't" on his ass right?

Back story: Jax and I were getting ready for school/work. In typical 4 year old fashion, Jax felt that 7 am on a random morning was the best time to assert himself and demand that I let allow him to wear the green long sleeve shirt instead of the green short sleeve shirt. *In other words we were yelling at the top of our lungs over a damn shirt at 7 in the morning*

Here is a dramatic interpretation of the conversation that took place:

Capricorn: This morning when you and Jax were getting ready for your day, y'all were kind of loud. Why do you allow him to yell like that.
Me: Because he is 4, and it is age appropriate. He is finding his independence.
Capricorn: Well, I think it's unneccesary. You should have just told him to put the shirt on, or got the belt out.
Me: It wasn't that serious. I'm not going to whoop him over a shirt. That just ain't the battle I care about.
Capricorn: See it's stuff like this I don't get. The boy is a spoiled brat
Me: *Cutting him off in mid sentence* Thanks for your unsolicited opinion, this conversation is over.
Capricorn: See this is the shit I'm talking about. You're not even willing to listen to what's wrong. If I'm going to be the man in y'alls life I think its time I start expressing what's on my mind. Something has got to change, that boy has too much authority.
Me: You are absolutely right, something has got to change and I'm willing to put all the money that I have in my name that it won't be the dynamic duo known as Nef n Jax.

Lesson learned: When some shows you who they are, believe them ~ Maya Angelou

Simply complex.....

Simple, as defined by Webster's dictionary, is an adjective that means not elaborate, plain, easy to understand, deal with or use. Complex, the antonymn of simple is defined as complicated, difficult to understand or deal with.

What brings us to this lesson in language arts today? Well I've recently ventured back into the world of dating *Cue the applause.* And in a recent conversation with Mr. Capricorn he told me that while he is enjoying getting to know me, he thought of me as a complex person. When a person uses the word complex to describe you, should it be regarded as an insult? I know he said complex but what I heard was "you're difficult." As I attempted to convince him that I was not difficult he hit me with the, "Nef, you're overthinking what I said." Damn! I've been exposed early in the game. I mean check me out, I'm up here looking up definitions of words for crying out loud. Not to mention I'm taking it a step further and blogging about it as if my name were Carrie Bradshaw and I were writing a relationship column entitled Sex and the City.

I have to give it to Mr. Capricorn, he's right. I do have a tendency to overthink, and this is more than likely one of those times. I've allowed the complex to overtake me. If I'm not facebooking about my life then I'm tweeting about it, blogging about it and replaying scenes in my mind. When did transparency turn into an obsession of self? I don't want to be overly absorbed but I'm definitely not simple or plain either. I'm designed for a complement, not a condiment.

Is Mr. Capricorn complementary? He's definitely simple in comparison to me. He isn't on any social networking sites. He has a smart phone but doesn't have any apps downloaded. When he wants to talk to me he actually picks up the phone and dials my number verses sending a text. Hell, he still utilizes the postal service to mail bills. Definitely my opposite. Guess I shall find out....