Operation Relocation

#OperationRelocation


If you follow me on twitter you already know what the above hashtag is about. Despite the fact that Charlotte has been my home for over 20 years (by the way I'm only 22 *wink wink*), I am homesick. I'm originally from Brooklyn, NY and moved down here with my grandparents in 1989. Both of my grandparents have since passed and other than my son I don't have any family here. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is with my family but I have to be honest moving back to NY is a pseudo desire. I just want to spend time with my family, I don't really want to raise my child there, live in an overpriced apartment in a high rise building, deal with alternate side of the street parking M-F, or ride public transportation because the cost of parking in the city is sky high. Nope, I just really want to spend time with my loved ones regularly... more than once or twice a year.

When my grandmother was alive, she would throw these huge dinners at her house just because she wanted to see her family. When we moved down to Charlotte, she kept up the tradition and so there was always someone visiting from Up Top. "I miss you" was all the reason she needed to gather with loved ones. Since her passing, I feel so lonely. I miss the sense of family that she created. My family isn't perfect but they are mine. I love them and I miss them. I haven't seen my Dad and his family in 3 years; my younger brother since February and a host of cousins, aunts, uncles since God knows. So there you have it. I'm willing to turn mine and Jax's life upside down just to be able to get in a car, ride a train or a bus for a short ride and spend time with those who mean the most to me while we still have breath in our bodies to do so.

This is some real n*gga sh*t right here!

The following phone conversation took place on Thanksgiving Day at approxiamately 12PM between Family Guy and myself:

HIM: Hey Babe, Happy Thanksgiving.

ME: Hi! Same to you. How are you today.

HIM: I'm ok. Look, I need to tell you that Thanksgiving dinner has been cancelled today. My mom and my sister got into it real bad last night and my sister cancelled dinner at her place. I'm just gonna chill at home with the girls and have a quiet Thanksgiving.

ME: Oh ok.

HIM: Yeah, so I will talk to you some time later.

ME: Oh ok. Well have a good day. Talk to you later.

Ok America... are you thinking what I was thinking? "Craig, you ain't gots to lie!" The followup conversation took place at approxiamately 10PM Thanksgiving evening.

HIM: Hey Babe, how was your day?

ME: It was pretty cool. Was only able to make 2 of my 4 stops but we ate good. I hate that I didn't get a chance to see you. How was your's?

HIM: Wonderful. I got to see a lot of family members that I haven't seen in a minute. Food was good.

ME: Oh really? Where was this?

HIM: At my sisters.

ME: *interrupting him in mid sentence* Ooooooh ok. Well I'm watching this Beyonce special on t.v. and she is about to sing my song. I'll call you back after the show.

HIM: Ok.

Ok, I lied. I had no intent on calling back and no desire of hearing how he was going to spin this lie. Lying to me, no matter the circumstance, is an absolute deal breaker and it is something I let men know up front. Now had he just left the conversation at that I probably wouldn't have written this blog but I must expose bullshit in dating whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Two days later I received the following text message from Family Guy: "Hey. (I) haven't forgot us just got a lot of bs going on right now and I don't want it to transfer when we talkin or hangin. I think we should chill for a min, sorry"

Yes America, this is truly a WTF moment! First of all dude, I ceased all contact with you on Thanksgiving. In my mind I was cool with just leaving things where they were. I didn't like the fact that you created a stupid lie rather than just being honest and saying, "Something has come up and I need to take back my invitation to dinner," but that was the card you chose to play. I wanted to remember you as a fairly decent guy but noooooo you had to have the last word.

How sorry must you be as a man to not have the guts to face me as a women or at least pick up the phone and call me to tell me that you no longer have a desire to see me? It isn't a crime for one person to loose interest in another. However, no adult should break things off with another adult in such an informal fashion.... EVER! Some things are really just that simple but when people go out of their way to be non confrontational it just creates a down situation.

All of my 2010 dating pitfalls have ONE common theme: bad communication. No really, read the blog. I know men are from Mars and women are from Venus (blah blah blah) but communication has always been about 1 thing... Making sure your audience receives your intended message. Since I've chosen not to respond to any attempts to communicate with me, I hope he is hearing (listening for understanding that is) clearly. Or perhaps the next time he calls, I should just pick up the phone and press play on Cee-Lo Green's FUCK YOU in lieu of talking to him. I don't think he will misinterpret my message then.

An unlikely pair.....

I remember when the world first found out about Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri and how NOBODY could understand what drew the two together (or at least that was my reaction). She, pop royalty and he... well I have yet to find a nice way to describe Jermaine, nothing personal, but you know.

Well while on my date with Family Guy this past weekend that is the image that popped into my head. There I was, all prissed up, proper speaking, dressed straight off the rack of Ann Taylor and there he was sitting across the table from me in his Ecko sweater, jeans and Air Force 1's. We were talking about something non-important when it dawned on me that dude is exactly the type of man that I've spent much of my adult life avoiding. This isn't to say anything bad about dude but I definitely was not checking for someone like him in my dating adventures.

I VERY recently retired my (grocery) list of requirements. You know the list I'm talking about. The one that reads: Mr. Right must be 6' 3" tall, hold a Master's from an Ivy League School, earn 150k+ a year, must be physically fit, etc... Ok, ok that is a GROSS exaggeration of my list but I think you get the point I'm trying to make. Every woman has one. It's almost like we are going to run down to the local Harris Teeter, gather these ingredients and Presto... The Perfect Man will appear (hence the grocery reference). Like really ladies, who put that dumb idea in our heads? Or as Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working out for ya?"

I'm learning that I what I WANT isn't always what I NEED. Please don't miscontrue that as a statement of me settling but rather a declaration that I'm ready to be realistic about life and love. Family Guy could possibly end up not being Mr. Right for me and that's ok. Going forward I plan to leave each experience a little more in tune with what I need from a relationship.

Janet has gone on record to say that Jermaine saw her differently and made her feel good about herself and her self image. I wouldn't expect her to air her dirty laundry but the fact that she speaks so highly of the man at every opportunity definitely tells me that she received something of value out of their relationship. In a way, he upgraded her....

McDonald's is my kinda place....

Fresh from the dating adventures of JustNef we have a 1st.


Not since high school has someone taken me on a date to McDonald's. While normally this would warrant automatic dismissal from tryouts I must say that this man has cemented a 2nd date from me in the very near future.

I'm all over this trying something new thing and this is exactly how I ended up eating a kids meal at McD's for dinner on Saturday. When he asked if we could meet up sometime over the past weekend my knee jerk response was I have my son and generally need advanced notice to make accomdations for him but straight from a Tyler Perry movie dude was like, "Well I have my girls this weekend, so why don't we meet at the park and we can bring the kids?" How could I say no to that? The boy enjoyed the park, and the meet up was so unassuming that none of the kids really noticed. At the end of the play date his girls stated that they were hungry and asked their dad if he would take them to McDonald's. He said sure but in a twist of fate they asked if they could invite their new friend (my son)...lol How cute! It was definitely a good time for the great taste of McDonald's.

It was over before it started...

Welp, Jamaica was cut from the roster. I love early cuts. No one is attached, so walking away isn't personal.

So what lead to Jamaica's downfall? Well we were supposed to meet up for a date, one in which we had talked to each other about just an hour and a half prior to the scheduled meet time of 7:30pm. Well 7:30 came, no Jamaica. 8:00 came, no Jamaica, no phone call or text. 8:30 I called and left a voicemail. 8:45 I sent a text. 9pm he was unofficially released, barring extenuating circumstances such as death, arrest or hospitalization. However those circumstances had an expiration time of midnight. When I finally heard back from him, it around 1pm the next day and it was by text, which read, "I am so sorry. I was speelling." Ok, first of all what the hell is speelling? And secondly, was the best excuse he could come up with 18 hours later? Honestly he could have kept that message because I don't communicate after a cut but I do enjoy a good lie every now and then. He didn't even try to envoke his imagination...

Here is an important take away from Jamaica's slip. My time is important to me. I am a single mom, full time employee and part time graduate student. Setting aside time to spend with someone is a big deal because that means I have to get a sitter, rush to do homework, etc. And it is for these exact same reasons that I am just as considerate about the time of others. Since we were fairly early in our dating adventures a simple call would have been acceptable. The excuse used wouldn't have really mattered to me but definitely noted as a means of identifying patterns of behavior going forward. SN: I am a phone call type of girl. A text would have been ignored even though I sent one, mainly because I ALWAYS call first.

Dudes are always asking me why am I still single. They are usually quick to label me as picky or high maintenance but Jamaica is a perfect example of a dude doing something stupid which got him teliminated from my life. A phone call could have avoided this outcome. Isn't that the same thing our parents used to say?

Something New....

So I went on my first blind date EVER last weekend, and to my surprise it wasn't a horror story. I actually had a good time, despite going into it I was thinking in the back of my mind that dude was crazy and was gonna stuff me in the trunk of his car, drive me to a remote location and bury me alive... Ok a bit much, I know...lol. But no for real!


Anywho we enjoyed a nice dinner at Vida Mexican Eatery y Cantina (code for expensive tacos but definitely worth the try) and played a few rounds of pool after dinner. Conversation was great! He is from Jamaica, so we will just call him Mr. Jamaica, and his accent made me melt. I've never dated anyone from the Caribbean, nothing against them just never dated them. He smelled so good and his kisses...... (No worries, I'm gonna keep it PG).


I definitely stepped out of my comfort zone on this one. Something that I realized that I needed to start doing because what I was doing previously just wasn't yielding the results I desired. I'm proud of myself. I've gotten rid of the list, because as my bestie recently told me "lists are for grocery shopping and chores." Don't get me wrong, there are still some "can't do withouts" (i.e. dude must have ALL of his teeth, must have his own ride and place to stay, no more than 2 children and 2 baby mommas, etc.) but at the end of the day my list made it seem like I was trying to date Jesus. And since Jesus isn't available it's time for me to start looking for someone who is.


So here is to something new... I'm sooooo EXCITED!

Off with her hair!

About the only consistent thing about me is my propensity to change. On average I change addresses once a year, cars about every 2 years, and hairstyles every 3 - 6 months. So when I decided to shave all my hair off my head for the 3rd time in as many years, G.I. Jane style of course, I was confused as to why folks still took the time to gasp in shock. And about the dumbest question ever asked to man follows the gasp: "But what made you cut all your hair off?" I wish I was remotely witty in my response but I've determined that whenever I exploit that part of my personality people tend to label me crass.


Sidenote: I never understand how some folks have the nerve of to ask YOU a question regarding YOUR decision making and then get upset about YOUR response.


Anywho, back to the point.... So this time I think I want to attempt to loc my hair. I know, I know... this requires patience and some stability; qualities that I have yet to master. Besides, I just can't stay away from a good wig. The longer the better. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's MY hair and I will do what I want with it. I'm very comfortable being Nefertari, so I don't need your advice on how to do me.